It's quicker to type, and you don't have to worry if anybody'll be able to read what you have written.

But here I am, about to spill my guts (again) for all of you to see.

It's over. I don't want to continue this. Whatever the hell I'm doing. I don't want to be reminded of anything that is related to - censored -. That'll help me forget, for a while. Over-dramatic? YES. Oh, shit.

I always get overly attached to the people I admire. I use this term because the word "crush" is too immature. Besides, he word "crush" have different meanings, depending on whom you ask. It's an ambigous term.

So, N told me that the reason for this over-chorvaness is because I'm atat to get into a serious, romantic relationship already. I think so too, but there are other reasons.. Wait. There aren't, if I really think about it. I let myself fall too often. Sometimes it becomes my libangan na lang. It's something that helps me keep myself sane. 

Yeah, I think N is right. I have never had a boyfriend in my entire life (N, Duane's not counted! We just ___ed! ). But when my friends need help concerning these kinds of issues, I dispense advice that actually work. I don't know where this all comes from. I have had no past experiences nga, 'di ba? So maybe it comes from observation. I just put together all the possibilities concerning certain actions. I help with others' love lives. And I can't help myself.

This is just an infatuation. I'm sure of that. Well, who can resist ba? I'm talking about the process, not the person.Maybe I'm just a born FLIRT. (((:

Flip my hair this way, smile, and walk away. 

But I know he'll come. I know that God has prepared someone for me. Someone who'll love Him more than he loves me, someone who's just right for me. I don't believe in "perfect". It's a nonexistent state, unless you yourself make it happen. 

While the most of our generation is subconciously afraid of commitment, I am searching for it. Kasi it'll be hard in the future. I'm trying to go to med school nga, so, calculate the number of years that I'll be required to bury myself in tons of books. Of course, there won't be time for any boy-hunting, dating, churva-ing anymore, right? So ano na mangyayari sa akin? I don't want to die an old maid. I want to have cute little kids running around, tugging on my skirt as I cook lunch or something. I mean, adopting's nice, but I know that having your own child is an entirely different thing. SIGH. My godmother, who's the head consultant in a hospital in Bahrain, is currently single. She's F-O-R-T-Y. Foooorrrtyyy!! I don't want that to happen to me. Ninang's happy and all, but a family to take care of is one of the most permanent things that can make you smile. 

Remember that love is not a feeling, not an instant connection, but a CHOICE.